He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
