You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
