you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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