She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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