woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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