Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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