i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
