I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she told me i tasted like america
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
