OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
