found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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