so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
