Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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