oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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