she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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