I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
