Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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