You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your cock deserves a montage
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think your dad took our porno
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
