its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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