you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
