Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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