I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize