i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
