I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
