He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
