i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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