why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His hands were made for my vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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