he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
