i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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