Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
