Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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