I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize