she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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