Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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