you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize