how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
