Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
