My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
