apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
