if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
