we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
