My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
