I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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