I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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