I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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