I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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