woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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