do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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