then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
