Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Semen is not good for contacts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
