No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize