Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
