Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
