Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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