i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
