Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
