so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
