first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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