I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
