I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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