Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
