They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
