My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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