Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
