I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
