Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
