Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
