I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
