I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
