just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
