All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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