Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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