I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
