There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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