We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
