so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
