My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
